Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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