Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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