i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
