You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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