what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
