I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize