Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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