How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
