Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
