We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
