Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
