people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
kristin has been a bad kristin
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
