I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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