Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
