i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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