Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
