I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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