big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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