can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
