highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
