I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
