Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
