i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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