Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Are we still banned from the library?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
