That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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