Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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