I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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