STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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