my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
