It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
