Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize