you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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