My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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