New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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