fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Randomize
