Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
