Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
