I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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