I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
