What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
