just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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