her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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