she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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