Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
