It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
