he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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