your thong is hanging out like whoa
kristin has been a bad kristin
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
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After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize