All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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