In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
