I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
