Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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