I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
