meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
