Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
