Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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