I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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