oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
