This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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