sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
