I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize