saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
