i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just pee around me
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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