Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
