We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
