Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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