The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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