Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
how does that bad decision feel?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
