I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
