I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
