I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
