Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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