I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the condom got lost in my hair
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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