my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The uberlube is also flammable
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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