I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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