I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
