im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
