hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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