the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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