apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
