I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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