need another drink. this is the easiest way
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
