I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
