Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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