It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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