how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
high people should be assigned attendants
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
