I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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